May 31-June 6: You Can Call Me Sensei

May 31-June 6: You Can Call Me Sensei

The moon wanes this week as we adjust to the changing landscape.  This is an intermediary week, with big things just behind and just ahead.  Last week saw the combination of Neptune’s retrograde station and Saturn’s direct station make for a confusing reality check, while Uranus in Aries is speeding up time frames, building the kinetic momentum that will characterize nearly all of June.

This week’s theme song

Lurking at the end of this week and spilling into next is Jupiter’s movement into Aries.  In just 5 short months, Jupiter has traversed every single degree of Pisces, and this Sunday, will breach the equinoctial boundary into Aries.  Don’t worry, the sweet, puffy planet will be back in Pisces from August until January, but for the next 3 months, it’s going to be all Aries, all the time.

It is not without reason that Jupiter is called “guru” in Vedic astrology.  Whatever the planet’s grow rays touch, they teach.  This mentorship has been cosmic in scope while Jupiter has been in Pisces, but during Jupiter’s upcoming stay in Aries, the lessons will be narrowed to a spear’s point. While Jupiter in Pisces teaches lessons on the universal nature of mind and the intricacies of compassion, Jupiter in Aries will be handing out educational beat downs, and fine tunes our ability to throw fire balls and dragon punches.

Jupiter in Aries grants confidence in ones abilities, expansion of one’s abilities, and opportunities to demonstrate one’s capacity.

Think of Jupiter in Aries as the martial arts instructor you always wanted.  The who tricked you into washing all his cars and then kicked you in the face when you complained.   Yes, if you but tap the potent planetary wavelengths, you’ll find a number of ridiculous stereotypes willing to instruct you in the ancient art of learning from conflict.  It’s not just a punch in the face, it’s a profound statement on your inability to not get punched in the face.   For ruminations on the tactical tendencies of each sign of the zodiac, check out the Baron’s Mandala of Power.

While Jupiter is in Aries, it fires up the ole archetypal cinema in the back of your brain stem, and plays a merciless marathon of old martial arts flicks.  The theme here isn’t just mindless bloodlust, it’s the “learning to become a warrior” journey.  So we’re talking Karate Kid, Kung Fu Panda, Kill Bill Part II, etc.  It’s about the discovery of personal power.  Consider, if you will, the Baron’s zodiacal mandala of the martial arts, the appropriately named Martial Chart.

Jupiter in Aries shines a light on the power of essence, and essence always speaks most clearly through myth and legend.  As Joseph Campbell illustrated exhaustively, the hero starring in every story is none other than the human spirit.  And you probably have one of those.   When Sensei Jupiter isn’t beating your ass, he’ll be playing Dungeons and Dragons with you, forcing you to play through the (anti) heroic myths nestled deep within your psyche.  Begin your journey into the heart of nerdy power fantasies with the Baron’s classic Nerdoscopes.

Note: That winged helmet is more about self esteem than combat-readiness.

Now, all of this sounds rather fun and mythic.  One of the nice things about myths is that you can experience the ups and downs of a journey without being vulnerable to the consequences.  However, Jupiter’s transit of Aries occurs in real time, and although it will heighten the mythic dimension, the same martial impulses will be with you outside the dream-time.  With Uranus just into Aries, this conjunction will no doubt prompt plenty to take their personal power out of the dojo and onto the battlefield.  The behavior of nation-states over next few months will serve as a good example.  Don’t be North Korea- pick your battles, and know the difference between training and war.


Horoscopes are not a real chart reading by an experienced astrologer.  However, they are fun and can be very useful.  The Baron suggests reading your Sun, Moon and Ascendant.  Take a special look at the Moon if you were born at night.

Aries:  The Ram

As Jupiter enters Aries, you may find yourself realizing that it’s finally time to put the plan into action.  Yes, that one.  It’s time to give away all of your earthly possessions, devote yourself wholly to your karate training and wander the world searching for worthy opponents.  Now, this is still a bad plan, but it’s going to start feeling like a good plan.  Learning to tell the difference between things that feel like good ideas and things that actually are good ideas will be your real training, Ryu.

Stereotypes are an essential part of the learning process.

Taurus:  The Bull

As Jupiter enters Aries, you realize you actually don’t have to take this shit anymore.   Whether you should is another question.

Gemini:  The Twins

Jupiter’s movement into Aries infuses you with the uncontrollable desire to tear off your clothes and start flexing whenever you’re in a group of 4 of more people.  Spare your friends the agony and go audition for something.

Cancer:  The Crab

As Jupiter enters Aries, you start thinking about…your precious.   You’ve been hiding it for years, stroking it lovingly and mumbling to yourself.  What if you let people see…your precious…for a nominal fee?  Perhaps hoarding isn’t the way to deal with valuable things.

Leo:  The Lion

Jupiter’s movement into Aries illuminates your personal direction clearly.   Not only that, they’ll be a soundtrack.  No matter where you go, you’ll find yourself haunted by Whitesnakes’s “Here I go again on my own…”  Try as you might, the annoyingly empowering tune will stalk you for weeks, if not months to come.  But that’s OK, because you’ve made up your mind, and you ain’t wasting no more time.

Virgo:  The Virgin

Jupiter’s movement into Aries helps remind you how amazing and powerful other people are, especially when compared to you.  You have a couple options here.  One is feel bad about yourself.  But likely you’ve already explored that option thoroughly, so let’s go a little further down the list.  Another option would be learning from others, but that’s humble and boring.  The third one, let’s call it the “Envious Supervillain Option,” involves figuring out a way to STEAL THEIR POWER AND USE IT TO FUEL YOUR INFERNAL MACHINE!

Libra:  The Scales

Jupiter’s movement into Aries brings strange, powerful mutants into your life.  You may find your committed partner of many years beginning to levitate things with their mind, or start fires with their emotions.  As a result, you’ll have to develop super relationship powers in order to get along with the strange menagerie you’re attracting.

Scorpio:  The Scorpion

Jupiter’s movement into Aries will provide you with an inordinate amount of enthusiasm for a number of crushingly mundane tasks.  Try to restrain yourself from regaling friends and neighbors with tales of heroic dish-washing.

Sagittarius:  The Archer

Jupiter’s movement into Aries will provide you with a number of creative opportunities.  Like the opportunity to create babies.  Try not to take advantage of that one accidentally.

Capricorn:  The Mer-Goat

Jupiter’s movement into Aries will likely provide you with a housing solution befitting your eminent status.  No doubt a supervillain island fortress has just gone up on Craigslist.

Aquarius:  The Water Bearer

Jupiter’s movement into Aries gives you the power to yell louder.  So loud, in fact, that people might actually pretend to care what you say long enough to shut you up.  It’s nice to be heard, isn’t it?

Pisces:  The Fish

Jupiter’s movement into Aries stuns you with the realization that you don’t have to be a good person to make money.  In fact, there are people every with money you can just take!  All you need is a baseball bat with a nail pounded through it and a menacing scowl.


Sol in Gemini, Luna in Capricorn

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Austin Coppock is a writer, esotericist and astrologer based in Ashland, OR. He published paperback Almanacs from 2011-15 but began posting his prognostications online last year, referring to his collection of weekly, monthly, yearly essays and daily delineations as “The Online Almanac”. This work is made possible by his supporters on Patreon. Austin was President of the non-profit organization “Association for Young Astrologers” from 2012-2016. His most recent book is “36 Faces: The History, Astrology and Magic of the Decans”, published by Three Hands Press.


  1. Sozl 13 years ago

    Aries/Scorp in Uranian frenzy – spend last two days giving away as many earthly possessions as possible (check); bore colleagues, therapist and passing internet strangers with inordinate enthusiasm for, and spiritual context of, said crushingly mundane tasks (check). Baron – yet again, your literal mythic mindedness is astounding!

  2. Sarahrah to the rah to the muthafuckin rah rah ahhahahhh 13 years ago

    how the hell do you come up with this stuff lmao that whitesnake song for leo lmaaaaooo I love the way you weave belligerent truth through your comical satire. You’re naturally funny, and what a great trait to have as people listen to those who make them laugh.

    I especially love the horoscopes for Virgo and Aries since they’re just what I needed to hear, as fucking usual, and I haz to quote you on the facebook in reference to this line: (lmao)

    It’s not just a punch in the face, it’s a profound statement on your inability to not get punched in the face.

    Best, ever. BAhaaaa

  3. Rose 13 years ago

    DnD 3rd edition? Best Aries scope ever.

  4. Cheryl 13 years ago

    Love the Nerd scope and Martial chart. This is by far the best scope yet Baron. Sunset birth Leo/Aries with Cap rising. I’m going to end up doing something stupid, I know it.

  5. Diane 13 years ago

    I laughed and swallowed hard reading that, being an Arien with Pisces acendant I am now searching for a baseball bat…ha ha ha

  6. desertwaya 13 years ago

    hahaha thats awesome! i just might have that baseball bat w/ nails somewhere hidden in my abode (menacing scowl creeps across lips)

  7. f150 owner 12 years ago

    My whole issue is my lips move when I think.

    Sent from my iPhone 4G

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May 31-June 6: You Can Call Me Sensei

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